Wednesday, November 23, 2011

rasp berry

During the more archaic days of Facebook, instead of like-ing something, one would have to add that something as its friend. Somethings had profiles, not pages, so one might be friend requested by Tony the Tiger, Autumn Leaves, and Omelettes.

Two summers ago (during the archaic season), I got surgery on both of my feet. I army crawled for the next two months. It was a poorly planned decision, but this post is not about my inability to think ahead, so back to the story. One night during my invalidity, my friend Janssen posted a new status: "A strawberry just asked me to be its friend. What's next, the Trix rabbit?" to which my friend Jazmine responded, "A blueberry probably, unless the raspberry gets to you first. The two aren't on good terms." Janssen chimed back, "What a tragedy. Hopefully blackberry doesn't try to add me. I really don't like that guy."

Janssen and I were in a theater troupe in high school, but we haven't seen each other since graduation. However, when I saw this status, I freaked out. I knew what had to be done.

I quickly logged out of my account, scrambling to open a Gmail tab in my window so I could create a fake email.

Once that was completed, I hurriedly tried to make a Facebook account under the name "Raspberry." Wouldn't let me.

"A. Raspberry"? Sorry, we know you're making a fake Facebook name because who the heck is named A. Raspberry?

"Mister Raspberry"? Ha, nope.

I was trying to suppress my panic as I went through names; I knew I had to be swift to beat out all of the other people who were trying to play the same joke on Janssen!

Finally, an account was created under the name "Rasp Berry." I friend requested Janssen.

I anxiously awaited for her to comment, or message, or IM me saying, "omg rachel! lmfao girl u so funny! when ru comin back 2 da bay? miss u SO much, lets catch up."

Here it comes. I mean, really, if some girl you hadn't spoken to in 4-ish years played something like this, wouldn't you find it hilarious?

Yeah. Neither did Janssen.

Thus the Internet absorbed my Rasp Berry joke, forever forgotten.

This story illustrates how I feel about life right now. Do you ever get really excited about an idea (REALLY excited), and upon execution, you realize that it was the biggest waste of time because it didn't accomplish anything? And then you're left feeling like ten-year-old Rachel who was laughed at in front of her entire band class because she thought condo and condom were both abbreviations for condominium (that is, embarrassed and "WHY did I say/do/think that?")?

Yeah. My life. Right here.

But you know what? Approximately one month after the epic fail that was Rasp Berry, I shared the story with my friend Kellyn.

She laughed. A lot. Then she friend requested Rasp Berry.

Over time, Rasp Berry has acquired four friends (four!) other than Janssen and myself. Those four friends appreciate the joke. They get it.

So really, when life throws you a condo/m/inium situation, sometimes you just have to wait it out and trust that someone or something like Kellyn, Clancy, Elizabeth, or Stephanie will come along and validate the thing you were really excited about (REALLY excited). Then you'll see that your ambitions, your dreams, your ideas are not a copious waste of space.


  1. hahahaha, so hilarious. i thought the joke was pretty great. i wouldn't even have thought to do that. also, i really like your writing style, it's very captivating :)